Deleting

Yep, I’ve hit that point where I’m deleting. In fact its my goal! I’m always deleting on a daily basis, I’m not a proud rambler for nothing mind you! But now I’m doing some hefty chunks. The beauty of this though is I flesh out the junk and start to actual make the story resemble something of what I want in the end. I’m not a ‘All the way through once rough drafter‘ or even an ‘All the way through once editor‘. I’m ‘A do it all as I goer a thousand and one times’. I hop around, think of things that need tweaking, constantly working forward yet never leaving my beginning, or middle, or end.

I will eventually hit the stage where I can simply go from start to finish–the last edit before I send it to someone–but I’m be honest–at this point it always seems like a dream that I’ll ever attain that point. I always start to wonder things at this point of the writing. Question things. Things like, will I ever make sense of this book now that I’m three quarters of the way through? How am I really going to pull this off? How am I going to make the hero sound believable? I suddenly can’t think of anything beyond ‘telling the reader’. YUCK. Why do I think I can write? I love to write beginnings, but the endings…why did I ever think I could write a whole book? Its work. I’m allergic to work…

The list of questions is long and always pops up right about now. I’m not sure why but they do. I have started to answer them with— BE QUIET, I’M WORKING ON IT! Then I try not to look at the whole picture of the story for awhile(even if it means I forget some little point that will need to be altered later on) but rather a small little section. Then it seems doable. Then I might actually get to that point I’m aiming for–sending it out.

So that’s where I am today. I’m supposed to check in with Sven today — I will but yesterday I wrote about 2,000 then found myself deleting a total of 3,000 throughout the book. Puts me behind on the total for Sven. Today I plan to delete even more. The middle has a ton that needs tightening and I actually need more space for the ending. So delete is my goal today rather than adding. Though I do hope to add another scene to the what I have so far. The problem is, I have no idea how to count my progress at this stage for Sven. I can’t say page or word or even chapter. Most of my middle isn’t ‘chaptered’ yet and since I’m hoping around so much right now adding a little snippet here or there to get the right layout, time ravel of events and actions, reactions and reveals…I can’t even say by scene.

So I won’t. I’m just going to put in time. My usual is 2 hours without doing anything else. That will have to be my progress moderator for now. I can state this though — April 30th is my goal date to have this baby in ’send-off’ mode.

Oh and I want to note something here as its important to me. Its been several ms’s since I wrote a whole ms BEFORE putting it in ’send-off mode’. I’m really, really looking forward to that moment this time as for this ms it is going to be shelfed the moment I do. I am going to allow myself to be free of it and work on my other stuff. There is a beauty in this. A sense of accomplishment and freedom. Sending something off while its still being created is stressful, even if all you have left to do is that last edit mode. What if what you change in chapter ‘the end’ alters how you want to word ‘the beginning’? It happens. At least to me. Maybe only a word or two, but its an important word or two and can alter first impressions. Then what about the stress of, ‘what if they like it?’ What if they want to see it all? What if they actually were to read it the day the query came in and ask for it that day? Could it happen? Sure. Does it often? No. Could I still be alright if I have to tell them despite my ’saying’ its finished in my query its not in fact–give me a week? Sure. But do I like the stress of any of that? Heck no! And this time I don’t want to go there. When I send this ms out, its going to be shelfable. Wheew. I’m soooo looking forward to that.

So Happy Easter Everyone and Happy Writing!

Oh and I almost forgot–here’s a lovely quote ~~

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

I love this! I wouldn’t push on through this stage of writing if it weren’t for my belief in my dream. Its what I hold onto in these moments.

Cole